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so what is there to say about canlis that hasn’t been said before?  well let’s see… people make it out like the second coming of chocolate jesus, but i beg to differ.  one of my cardinal rules in life is that i’ll try anything twice, and there are 3 things i took away from my 2 experiences at canlis.  #1: i was warned repeatedly by the staff to ensure the dress code was enforced (blazer for the gents), so WHY THE FUCK do i see a guy in a north face fleece sitting at the table next to us??  (and seriously seattle, do you think you could try to step up your fashion game *just a smidge* for a nice night out?)  #2: i ordered a pricey lobster tail, because i figured “while in rome”, it’s “go big or go home”.  what i received was one of the chewiest lumps of seafood i have had to date.  was i naive in making the assumption that a renowned establishment such as canlis could figure out the appropriate cooking time and temperature to produce a satisfactory $100 lobster tail?? in all honesty, i’d prefer the $8 lobster tail up-charge at the snoqualmie casino’s surf & turf buffet any day. #3: after having one (or more) drinks at the equally classy establishment of a pizza mart, i settled in at canlis’ bar and waited for what seemed like eternity for attention from the barkeep.  so ok, i get it when someone is “in the weeds”, but at least try to maintain a semblance that you aren’t stressed the fuck out because frankly, it stresses me out and makes me need that drink even quicker. upon checkout, i politely asked for a glass of water to-go (perhaps an odd request, but i really needed it, and for god’s sake, this is a restaurant after all, not some ill-equipped holy temple that wouldn’t have any to-go containers).  what i got in return was a most panicked look from the waiter.  REALLY??  the one redeeming moment of my experience (and trust me, it wasn’t the bill) was that the bartender poured out a large bottle of pom wonderful for use as a water transport vessel. well, at least the water was free.

a tall drink of water